What I Wish I Knew: Speaking Your Healthcare Wishes Before You Need To

One of the deepest regrets family members carry is not knowing what their loved one would have wanted when medical decisions had to be made. I've seen it too many times: a crisis hits, doctors ask about CPR or ventilators or feeding tubes, and family members, desperate and grieving, say yes to everything—only to watch their loved one slip into a coma anyway. Then comes the heartbreaking decision to remove life support, accompanied by the haunting question: "Is this what they would have wanted?"

This is where a Healthcare Directive (also known as an Advance Directive or a Living Will) is invaluable. But before we complete that form, we need to take a look at our own values and what matters to us.

We can't anticipate every possible scenario, but we can provide powerful guidelines by defining what quality of life means to us personally. Would you be okay being bed-bound? In a wheelchair? Able to wheel yourself around, but once you need to be pushed, you're ready to decline extreme measures? These aren't easy questions, but answering them now is a profound gift.

Once you've clarified your wishes, complete an advance directive for healthcare and name someone as your healthcare agent—the person who'll speak for you if you can't speak for yourself. The two essential qualifications? Choose someone you can talk openly with about these decisions who will truly honor them, and someone who can advocate for you with both medical staff and family members. You can name a primary and backup agent, and they don't need to be family.

The Gift You Give

When you do this work while you're healthy, you give your loved ones something precious: permission to let you go when that time comes, without the crushing weight of uncertainty. They won't have to wonder, argue, or second-guess. Instead, they can focus on what matters most—being present with you, holding your hand, sharing stories and maybe even laughing together. They’ll be honoring the life you've lived. That's the peace of mind we all deserve.

Find advance directive forms at www.endoflifewa.org (Washington residents) or search for your state-specific form. Some states require state-specific documents, so check your local requirements. And as always, reach out if you get stuck or need support!

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To connect with our collective: http://edge-walking.com / 206.825.9780 / edgewalking.transitions@gmail.com